i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
vagina is talking i cant
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
