I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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