Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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