dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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