I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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