I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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