i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
did i walk over a car last night?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
