bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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