my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
