The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
