I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
