Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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