before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
