so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
