any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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