she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
