The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
