I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
