I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
