sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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