I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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