So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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