We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
