It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
