he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
