just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
