Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
