no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
