that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
