do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
