walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
