Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
