i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
