Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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