He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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