She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
