Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
