WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
