I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
