those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
