someone threw a dead crab at me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
