I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
