I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Still dying that you shit outside
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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