remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
