I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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