Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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