shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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