He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
