You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
