This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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