I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
